(Be sure to write “OKAY TO REPRODUCE” and include a name if you want a chance for your letter to be included in a future letters column!)
How's my Klingon pronunciation? It's gotta be better than whatever they were doing in Star Trek: Discovery, right?
Well, regardless of what you think of it, I just have to say that this outfit is ridiculous! Never wear a ruff, and poofy pants like these suck. (Are they even really pants?!?) Besides that, I'm just really glad I can show my love of The Theatre…by which I mean, I love it in the way where it, like anything, should be punned into oblivion! (If you want a healthy diet of puns, then check out Polarnoids. I don't hate them the way I do that [w]itch, Brandy…)
That's the thing about me: I like puns. Maybe it's because my creator (that's Brian) likes puns, so I'm just dragged along for the ride, or perhaps it's because puns are the fucking best! I mean, there's no better way to completely wreck someone's attempt to be serious than to turn it into a pun, and people who are serious are the literal worst. Sure, they may think that they are doing Important Things™ and Changing The World®, but really, they're just a bunch of pasta-brained chicken tits. Being serious just makes you forget what life is. And, if you forget what life is, how are you possibly the right person to tell people how to live their lives?
Don't be serious. Go, make puns, wear crop tops, and ride skateboards. Set buildings on fire! (Except, don't actually do that, because that's just being a dick and ruining people's days/lives for no reason.) More than anything, buy merch from Ye Olde Starry Knight Shoppe, because then you'll have cool stuff and Brian and I will have money! (Well, technically, I won't have money, because I'm an imaginary being with no legal status allowing me to have money…but Brian is a real person, so he can have money!) Do that. It'll make you feel better, I'm sure!
Anyway, that's enough sage wisdom and advice for today. Next time, we'll find something else to talk about that will be at once so inane, yet so daring!