(Be sure to write “OKAY TO REPRODUCE” and include a name if you want a chance for your letter to be included in a future letters column!)
It's true! There is going to be a new recurring character in these comics: Sherry de Hex, the Totally Bitchin' Witch!
So, here's the deal: Sherry is from Brian's Brandy de Hex: Certified Sorceress comic (which has a new issue out today). She's Brandy's sister, and is therefore a witch as well. The only thing is that it took over a year for Brian to make the new issue of Brandy de Hex that came out today, and he wants to still have at least one of the characters continue to appear in comics. Since Sherry apparently "fits" with the rest of my friends, Brian has foisted her upon me by having her somehow discover the "realm" of my comics on some sort of multiverse-trotting excursion. (Apparently, magical and interdimensional travel is the one kind of magic that Sherry really excels at…That, and her hairdo.) The idea, I think, is that she'll show-up periodically, in a similar way to how characters like Anna Log or Siobhán the Shirtless do. Hopefully, in future appearances, she'll have the decency to just have little dots for eyes, so that she's more in keeping with the style of this comic, rather than imposing those ridiculous, irised eyes from her sister's stupid comic upon these hallowed pages.
But yeah…It'll probably be handy to have a properly magical member of my ridiculous friend group. (What should my gang be called? "The Ridiculous Friend Group" sounds a little to…stupid…) I mean, a witch with limited scruples could solve all sorts of problems for me! Plus, if she's a recurring character, then that could give me access to the Brandy de Hex universe. Maybe one day, I could properly infiltrate it (and not just in a background cameo at a Halloween party)! Mwahahahahaha!!!!
Now, the question is: Do the other characters here actually know who Sherry is? I know that I know, and I figure Anna does too, but we both have meta-textual awareness (I have more than Anna does), so we can know things from the perspective of the boring world all of you losers live in. I don't think that Siobhán, Col. Bombshell, Chase, or Guy Hunkmann would know about her, though…Unless…Do Brandy de Hex comics exist here as comics??? That could be an interesting turn of events!
Regardless, Sherry is welcome to hang out here whenever her sister's series is stuck in some endless hiatus (or, just when she's not showing up in that comic). I doubt there will be much effort to maintain continuity, though, because even though it matters over there, around here, we're much more interested in being badass than in caring about what happened last week. Who needs narrative structure when you have hot people doing cool stuff?!?
Oh, speaking of which, somebody named Harry S. (you know who you are) wrote into the show ("show"? comic) last week. This presumably hirsute fan of the comic wrote:
Of course Colonel Bombshell is single! When one chooses to pursue the life of super secret military ops, one must be totally committed to that life. There is no room in such a hero's life for personal commitments. There is no room for romance. Family can be a liability for such devoted people. These sorts of folks only have room for an occasional interaction with other midriff wearing misfits. Nothing too intense. Intensity is saved for the battle field. Colonel Bombshell is now and will always be SINGLE!
– Harry S.
Well, there you have it, folks! Colonel Bombshell is destined to be sad and alone, because some rando with an email address wrote in and said it was so. But I'm not convinced! I say that if Chase wants to, he can go right ahead and try to woo Colonel Bombshell. Show the world that even the impossible is possible when you're a dipshit who snowboards in cargo shorts, Chase! Ask Col. Bombshell out on a date, fall in love, marry her, knock her up, and make all sorts of little Bombshell Babies. Go all the way, Cuz! Just, don't ask me to be at your wedding, because attending cousins' weddings is worse than having your pinky toenail ripped off. (Your toenail will grow back, but the time spent at a cousin's wedding is lost forever!)
All that being said, I do want to thank Harry S. for writing in! It was a great honor to have a letter written in that I could respond to. Don't take it personally that I disagree, either. I disagree with a lot of things that are good ideas—like wearing a helmet when you skateboard or looking both ways before crossing the street. I'm just a rogue element like that. (Note that I am not a rouge element, which is what I become after crossing a busy street without looking and without wearing a helmet.) And who knows, maybe Harry S. is right. Maybe Colonel Bombshell is a confirmed bachelorette. I'm gonna tell Chase to ask her out anyway, though, because I think that could be funny to watch either way!
By the way, Harry S., I do have one other tiny nitpick: You said that Col. Bombshell interacts with "midriff wearing misfits," and I just want to point out that We of the Uncovered Abdomens do not wear midriffs. Rather, we wear clothing that bares our midriffs. Seeing as this is a comic with foul language and a buxom, topless woman as a recurring character, we must assume that children are reading this, and it is important that we set the example of using words appropriately. Otherwise, we'll fuck-up their little minds and, by extension, Society™. Furthermore, being a pedantic asshole absolves anyone of the rudeness inherent in correcting other people over mundane, petty nonsense. (Also, Brian just wants me to make it clear that my comics are not meant for children. I mean, there's foul language and Siobhán the Shirtless! That stuff is just too inappropriate to expose, really, anybody to. People need exposure to a healthy diet of heinous violence and horrific gore long before they can hear about a god damning things or even see an allusion to a booby!) Oh, also, you left out a lot of commas, according to Brian who is, by all accounts, a comma whore.
Okay, I think that's done now. Thanks for reading this Scribb1e that is probably like 8,000 pages long or something. I'm sure you feel you've learned a lot, and you're probably ready to go cure cancer or whatever. If that's what you're gonna do, go for it. If not, then maybe check out the new issue of Brandy de Hex: Certified Sorceress, which Brian lettered with a new font he designed and named Sk8er (in my honor). Or, if you don't want witch crap, you can always read Polarnoids. They're pretty punny, and consistently have 32-33 more comics than I do, depending on the day of the week. You could also read something else that isn't by Brian and isn't published on this, the Starry Knight Studios website, but I can't recommend that, as that makes it even more unlikely that Brian will ever earn money from any of this. (Brian really should figure out something other than Patreon and merch as ways to monetize…) Anyway, thanks for reading! Feel free to write in, like Harry S. did, and I might just disagree with you and nitpick you grammar and word choice as well! (Or, maybe I won't…You never know. I can be really nice sometimes.) ANYWAY…