(Be sure to write “OKAY TO REPRODUCE” and include a name if you want a chance for your letter to be included in a future letters column!)
Okay, so here's what I wanted to understand when I met Constantia: Aren't ballerinas usually pretty flat-chested? Well, Constantia claims that she was quite petite when she was human, but that buxomocity is something that occurs when you are transformed into a vampire. This happens along with the fangs and (in this fictional mythology) pointy ears. It's like how, in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, you can tell a vampire by the forehead ridges and yellow eyes. In this (which I dub the Libbyverse, since I'm the most important), you can tell a vampire by the pointy ears and big tits. (Dude-pires apparently have the pointy ears, too, but instead of big tits, they have juicy booties…That's what Constantia told me!)
Either way, I know some of you are probably wondering why I seem so critical of Constantia doing her weird pose, even though I do weird shit all the time, and let me tell you: It's because I am the star! I'm supposed to do weird antics and shit, but then Brian goes and introduces all these other crazy characters who do crazy things, and I end up being the most normal of all my friends! And I mean, how am I supposed to compete with a chick who's topless all the time, a bendy vampire with big bazooms, and all of the rest? (Okay, Anna Log is kinda boring, but that's why she's my best friend!) It's quite vexing…to the point where I'm using the word vexing. Also, it'd sure be nice if there could be some other dudes in these comics…Like maybe more than one, especially considering that one is my frickin' cousin! (Yeah, Chase the Sn0 Bro is my cousin…Your sympathy is appreciated.) Seriously, I'm a fictional woman with needs! I need something to lust after in-universe.
This is my demand for next week: A hot dude I'm not related to.
If it doesn't happen, I quit!