(Be sure to write “OKAY TO REPRODUCE” and include a name if you want a chance for your letter to be included in a future letters column!)
Like my car? It's a Vintauge Autoumoubile🇬🇧 (the extra u's are because it's a British car). I had it drawn for me, so that I could be better than Brian's brother, who's getting a "real" vintage British car soon. Of course, I'm better, because my car is not bound to any laws of physics or common decency! Honestly, I'm surprised that Anna Log isn't just throwing herself at this car. With as much of a hipster as she is, and the antiqueness of the car, I would'a figured she'd be asking to have the car's babies or something. (A word for the wise: human-car hybrids are not a pleasant sight. If you or someone you know wants to procreate with a motor vehicle, consider whether falling in a pit would be a better life plan, because it probably would.) Hipsters are hypocrites, though, so you can never really predict what their opinions will be.
As for my opinions, I don't really have any. I have facts, like the fact that my car is better than Brian's brother's, or the fact that my midriff looks better than Anna Log's, but I don't have opinions. Opinions are for people who do not have facts. That said, I do have a few observations, such as the observation that Anna is missing the arm of her glasses in this comic (meaning Brian either forgot to draw it, or Anna's rocking some super-square pince-nez🇫🇷 this week), or the observation that Brian is happier reading Komi Can't Communicate mangas than he is cleaning toilets. These observations have a factual component to them, but they do not have opinions tainting their veracity. I repeat: I, Libby Sk8er Girl, do not have opinions; only facts!
In my opinion, anyone who contradicts or disagrees with that last paragraph is a bitcah. (If you don't get that joke, then you should probably just watch every episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer until you come across the original joke. I think it's pretty early on in the show, but I could be wrong…) Also, do you know what this thing (¶) is called? I'm not going to tell you what it is, but if you're stumped, there might be a Polarnoids that can straighten you out. You never know, though, because that comic seems to be pretty full of opinions and information made dubious for the sake of puns, which never happens here! (To be fair, though, the Polarnoids are at least better than the witch who can't even bother to have a consistent release schedule.)
Anyway, I hope you've observed the fact that this was an utterly hilarious comic and now you want to buy stuff just for the hell of it. In the meantime, I think I have to go watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer…Unless Brian makes me watch the new episode of the Komi Can't Communicate anime instead, that is…