(Be sure to write “OKAY TO REPRODUCE” and include a name if you want a chance for your letter to be included in a future letters column!)
Libby Sk8er Girl to shows up every Wednesday. You can keep up by checking back here, or by following @bthingsart and/or @starryknightstudios on Instagram!
Over the weekend, Brian went to Washington, DC, for the first time, and of course he brought me along with him, since I'm a manifestation of his imagination and all. He even wore a shirt of me one day, so that I could see things like Ole Abe here, as well as the founding documents, like the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights—which supposedly says that I can shout profanities anywhere I want to, and that Colonel Bombshell can carry a bazooka with her when she shops for toothpaste! (It was kind-of faded, so I couldn't read the specifics…)
All of this was really cool, and we learned lots of neat stuff, like the fact the Magna Carta is more legible than documents written 500 years later, or that the National Postal Museum is kinda boring as shit, but they sell stamps in the basement, which is nice if you want to send the postcards you bought at the National Archives the day before. More than anything, though, it's amazing how, when Brian sleeps past 11am on the only full day in a place—and all of the zillions of museums close at 5pm—you don't manage to go to all of the zillions of museums, and then you wonder why one of the two Smithsonian Museums you went to was only so to spend 88¢ on stamps. On the bright side, the Washington Monument is really big, so they can't really keep you from seeing that after 5:30. Plus, you can tour the Capitol Building and learn that it is made out of white chocolate and filled with berries and whipped cream:
As you know, everything I write in these Scribb1es is 100% factually accurate. Any inaccuracies or inconsistencies are either due to the fact that YOU don't know everything or due to the fact that Brian's dog lounges on the sofa when Brian isn't in the room, and then makes motions to hop off if Brian walks by. Why does any of this make sense? Well, it does because, like I said, everything I write in here is 100% factually accurate. If it doesn't make sense, it's because we live in a world that defies comprehension and the narratives we devise are inadequate to truly handle the notion that paleontologists can somehow extrapolate what an entire skull looks like based on a sliver of fossil from where the eye socket turns into the bridge of the nose. (The other Smithsonian Museum Brian went to was the Natural History Museum…The Air & Space Museum is closed for refurbishment, the art museums were all overwhelmingly huge to try to properly tackle in 2½ hours before closing, and the Natural History Museum had dinosaurs.)
Basically, the moral of this story is that museums should stay open later, even if that means Ben Stiller will bring all the exhibits to life while Nicolas Cage tries to steal a remarkably un-faded version of the Declaration of Independence. (Yes, two major reasons Brian has wanted to go to Washington, DC, since he was a little kid were because of family-friendly action/comedy movies from the 2000s. How many of you can claim you weren't deeply influenced by these amazing works of cinema?)
Yup, so that's about it! Thanks for reading this Scribb1e. Hopefully, you found it more interesting than a civics lesson. If you didn't, then you're either really into civics or have no taste in comedy. Either way: 🖕
(One of those faded pieces of parchment says I can do that, I think.)